I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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