you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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