my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
