Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
