I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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