I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
