Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
