i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
