don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
