I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
