If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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