you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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