dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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