therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize