My Higher Power is John Stamos
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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