If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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