OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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