So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
