Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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