that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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