Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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