Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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