you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize