Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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