I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
