I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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