I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
