i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
