My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
