genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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