you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
