well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
