he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
