I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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