thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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