summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
