Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
