u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
