I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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