i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Small penises have feelings too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
