Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
