Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize