Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
