i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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