My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
