WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They left me at home... I'm a liability
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
