On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
