at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
