so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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