She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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