We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
