I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
