any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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