Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
