Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
