If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
