I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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