I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
