Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
