It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
