Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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