i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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