Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
