Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
