i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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