I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
