You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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