i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
