go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
