About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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