Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
