I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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