Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
