Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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