i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
