Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could fuck to npr.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
