the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
