I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
