That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
