yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
