God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
