There is no way he is gay with that hair.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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