Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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