My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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