the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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