somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
