I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
