hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
