You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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