I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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