It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
