Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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