My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
