His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
