Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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