she smelled like a LAN party
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The uberlube is also flammable
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
