i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
