Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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