Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
