Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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