this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
