and she was petting her beer can
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize