You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
